The past 3 days I’ve been sick and averaging 18 hours of sleep a day. Since I’ve been sleeping so much, I missed watching the Twins game on Saturday and missed most of Sunday’s game except right before Delmon’s bomb. I went right back to sleep after the loss and didn’t think much of it. Well today I woke up feeling like Matt Tolbert’s batting average (garbage obviously) and stumbled my way onto the internet to check the box score of Sunday’s game against the Braves (6-13). When I first saw the Twins lineup, I thought for sure it was the grogginess of sleep fooling my eyes. I slapped myself a couple more times, looked around for that hot chick that is usually in my dreams but she was no where to be found. I wasn’t dreaming, Gardy did in fact put together a steaming pile of piranha crap for a lineup on Sunday. A lineup so disgustingly pathetic that even Agent Smith from the Matrix had a quote about it after the game….
“Disgusting. How pathetically fragile it is. Nothing this weak is meant to survive.”
This amazing lineup included Mendoza Flirter Punto leading off followed by Plouffe the Mendoza Magic Dragon batting second (Span was given his first day off of the season). Mauer was batting his normal 3rd spot but was the DH because obviously one day of rest on Monday wouldn’t be enough for the Baby Joesus. Since Mauer was DHing, that meant our Mendoza Man Butera was going to catch and bat 9th with the other Mendoza Man Harris batting 8th. So let’s recap that, 8,9,1,2 in the lineup was Harris,Butera,Punto, and Plouffe whose batting averages were .160, .135, .221, .130 respectively (although nothing respectable about it). In the dictionary you will now find a picture of the lineup card next to the word “inept”, which actually replaces BP’s oil spill cleanup.
So of course the Twins lost the game 7-3 after Slowey gave up 5 earned and 1 unearned runs in 4.2 innings. I read somewhere that Gardy was defending his lineup saying that it didn’t matter what lineup he put out there, the pitcher was at fault for giving up all of those runs. I’m sorry, I’m not a Gardy basher by any means but it seems he got lucky that the pitching sucked, taking the focus off his scrappy crappy lineup. Remember our old friend Agent Smith’s quote that this lineup was not meant to survive? I’m thinking the Twins could have at least given up a fight instead of lay there like a slug ala Randy from “A Christmas Story”.
Here’s what I don’t understand.
Why not spread out the days off between multiple players? I can see Span getting the day off if he hasn’t had one all year, but why the game you also are DHing Mauer? This would make more sense if there wasn’t the injury’s to the middle infield but resting Span with an already injured Hudson totally TF’s the top of your lineup. If you do rest Span, don’t freaking DH Mauer the same day. It’s bad enough when you DH him you stick someone batting half his average in the lineup AND take a bat out of Thome or Kubel’s hands. I just feel Gardy could have managed the days off a little better, putting less stress on a lineup already stressed by injuries.
Where was Mendoza Tolbertsy in this lineup, it would have been perfect (I approve this move)?
Where is Denny Hocking?
Oh and don’t look now but the Tigers are only 2.5 games back. If we keep putting out our “inept” lineups and surrender one game a series, we may be looking at another Game 163 after thinking we would walk away with the division. I may not be thinking straight but after writing this and thinking about that lineup on Sunday, I’m going back to sleep, I feel sick.