Ron Washington apologizes for his Tolbert comments

June 18, 2010

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TEXAS — Texas Rangers manager Ron Washington held a press conference this morning to issue an apology to Minnesota Twins infielder Matt Tolbert.  “I’d like say I’m sorry to Matt Tolbert for thinking he was actually the 1980’s arcade icon Q*bert the entire 2009 season.” he sobbed.  “I’ve made some mistakes in the past, and this is one of them.”  Washington went on to say that some of his confusion may have been due to his illegal drug use during last season.  “I would sit on the bench and watch this little guy run around and step on those squares, then I’d see this big red ball flying back and forth, monsters running all over the squares, and all these snakes, I now realize that those squares were bases, the baseball wasn’t dangerous, and those monsters were just base runners.  As for the snakes, well…back then I was just seeing a lot of snakes.  Cocaine is a hell of a drug.  I also should have known that every time Tolbert missed the ball and swore, there was no way I should had been able to see that thought bubble over his head?”  Washington went on to say “However, I’m still a little confused about the nostrils?”  It wasn’t long after Washington issued his apology that Tolbert accepted “Yeah, I was getting really tired of Ron yelling ‘look out Q*bert!’ at me all game long. I kept trying to tell him, ‘I’m Matt Tolbert ‘ and he would say ‘No you’re Q*bert!’.  I accept his apology, but I’d like him to know that my head still hurts a little.  Not so much from all the yelling, but from when he chucked a Frisbee at my head during a game and then screamed ‘Jump on that and fly to safety!’  I was really confused back then, but I guess it makes sense now.”


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