MIDDLE EARTH — While the Twins are nearing the end of their second consecutive season in the darkness, there is still some light left in Middle Earth. Mauragorn has a chance to retain his spot as The Lord of the Swings in the American League.
Already winning the batting title three times prior (2006, 2008, 2009), Mauragorn’s bat was shattered during battle after the 2009 season. The shattered shards are on display at Target Field (don’t touch, still sharp). In the 2010 season he had lost his crown and the 2011 season he suffered from a dangerous spell similar to the one the King of Rohan was under.
Mauragorn spent the offseason training in the Misty Mountains much like Rocky did in Russia, coming into Gondor Spring Training in the best shape of his life. Throughout the regular season there have been signs of the old Mauragorn but at the end of August, his batting average of .312 was a little concerning for a former King. Flip the page to September and things changed.
On the 3rd of September, something nobody thought was possible happened in Chicago. Jamey “Elrond” Carroll hit his first home run in 2334 years. Nobody knew where this power had come from….except for our secret sloth in the clubhouse. Exclusive TTBB news from our sloth tells us the shards of Maueragorn’s 2009 bat have been forged together once again and Jamey Carroll used it for one at bat. He then gave the bat to Maueragorn so he can retain his rightful spot as The Lord of the Swings. It’s no coincidence folks, look at Maueragorn’s September numbers (with his new bat). He’s hitting .474 with 2 home runs and now has his batting average back up to .325 entering tonight’s game in Cleveland. Only Miguel Cabrera (.333) and Mike Trout (.327) are ahead of him in the race for the batting title.
Now that Maueragorn has the shards of his 2009 bat forged back together, sit back and get ready for The Return of the King …THE LORD OF THE SWINGS.
Good god that’s the worst photoshop ever.