Fake Twins News

Baker’s Stats Prove Rapture is Tomorrow.

May 20, 2011
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Baker’s Stats Prove Rapture is Tomorrow.

FETAL POSITION IN MY BASEMENT — As many of us have heard by now, some looney guy and his followers are predicting the rapture will occur tomorrow.  For those who may be concerned, it will occur at 6pm  in your timezone (I’m not making this up).  Get ready for Zombie Dick Clark and his...
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Cuddyer Scores Game-Winning Goal For Sharks

April 26, 2011
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Cuddyer Scores Game-Winning Goal For Sharks

SAN JOSE — We know Michael Cuddyer can play almost anywhere on the diamond but tonight we found out that he can also play a little puck.   It’s hard to fathom that no one has figured this out until now but you can see for yourself in the image below.  He even has a...
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Twins Sign Robotic Hurler: Brad Radke 2.0

April 21, 2011
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Twins Sign Robotic Hurler: Brad Radke 2.0

BALTIMORE — The Twins front office made a very controversial yet nostalgic acquisition Tuesday when they signed robotic hurler Brad Radke 2.0.  The fan favorite Brad Radke retired in 2006 after his right arm basically fell off.  Since then Brad has been itching (with his left hand) to get back into the game but...
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What If Joe Mauer Endorsed Old Spice?

February 23, 2011
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What If Joe Mauer Endorsed Old Spice?

Joe Mauer is now endorsing Head and Shoulders.  This means he now has the same thing in his shower as Jeffery Dahmer.  What if Joe started endorsing Old Spice??……..
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Joe Mauer Knows About That

February 2, 2011
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Joe Mauer Knows About That

COUCH — When Joe Mauer walks up to the plate during home games this season, he’ll be walking up to a familiar song. Yesterday on Twitter Dustin Morse (@twins_morsecode) tweeted that Joe Mauer will once again be using T.I.’s “What You Know” as his walk up song. This should come as no surprise given...
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